remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
