It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
