1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
