i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just found a bag of teeth...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
