Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
