and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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