strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The air was thick with penises
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
