the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
