My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
