So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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