So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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