I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
