and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
