My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's always time for handjobs
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
