How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
