i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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