Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
