You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
