on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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