i already hear my dad disowning me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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