Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
