WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
