I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
