Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
