The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
