So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
