11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
