3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
