i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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