They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
