Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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