there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
