we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
