i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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