can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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