When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
