Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
