hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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