Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
