I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
