dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
