The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
