yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The adults are the big ones right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
