My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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