I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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