as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
