all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
