ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
