Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
