It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
