my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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